


All my days, I'll know your face

by LilyRosePotter



Category: Pod Save America (RPF)
Genre: Amnesia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 07:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13519155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyRosePotter/pseuds/LilyRosePotter
Summary: "Jon. It's 2018"





	All my days, I'll know your face

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a short prompt fill for "waking up with amnesia," that I was NOT going to write the rest of. Eight days and 10,000 words later, my semi-conscious deep need to write angsty Vietreau AUs persists...

Tommy was making dinner when he got the call. He had gone home early from the office and was making dinner to surprise Jon. He doesn’t know if he turned the stove off. He knows he ran a stop sign. He doesn’t  _ think _ he ran any red lights. The dogs are, the dogs are in the backyard. Jon is… Did he turn the stove off? 

The hospital waiting room chairs are the worst kind of hard plastic. It’s like being at an airport gate, where the chairs are designed to increase the discomfort of the whole flying experience. He turns to make the comparison to Jon, who prefers Tommy’s complaints about airport chairs to thinking about flying, but Jon is… God he hopes he turned the fucking stove off. 

It feels like he’s been there for hours in the hard chair when Lovett and Tanya walk in the door of the waiting area. Thank god Lovett had stayed at the office to work on tomorrow’s rant wheel. They sit down next to him and Tanya wraps an arm around his shoulders. Lovett is fidgeting nervously. This is when Jon would reach out and gently squeeze his twirling hands, but Jon is... What if the house catches on fire with the dogs out back because he didn’t turn the stove off? Why didn’t he check? Did he turn the stove off?

He only realizes he’s spoken out loud when Lovett responds, “I don’t know Tommy. I’ll text Elijah to check.” Right. Half their staff has keys to their house. Elijah can go turn the stove off and take Leo and Lucca to his house for the night or however long he needs to be here while Jon is… Lovett’s talking again, “They were all going to come, everyone, but Tanya said it would be too much, so just the two of us came. Everyone else said to give you hugs and to let them know whatever you need.” 

They sit in silence after that. Tanya is rubbing slow circles on Tommy’s back. Lovett is still fidgeting. Tommy stares at the wall in front of him. It’s sparsely decorated with weird dull artwork; ugly large purple flowers in a vase, a bird flying, a field of something unidentifiable, corn maybe. In a normal doctor’s office, Tommy might lean over and whisper to Jon, try to figure out what inspired the artists to spend their time doing that. But Jon… The words from the operator on the phone echo in his head with nothing to chase them out  _ husband… car accident… totaled… unconscious… head injury… critical… critical… critical. _

“Mr. Vietor?” There’s a doctor in the doorway. Tommy stands up too fast, blood rushing from his head. He walks over to her and is vaguely aware that Lovett and Tanya are following him. He tries to listen but only catches bits. The important part is at the end. “He’s not awake yet, but you can come back and see him. Just you for now, Mr. Vietor,” she says with a nod towards his friends. 

Tommy follows her down the hallway. He hates hospitals. She points him into a room. Jon is lying in the bed, hooked up with so many wires. He looks so, fragile. He is so fragile.  _ Broken collarbone, three broken ribs, broken wrist.  _ The doctor is showing him the call button and pointing to the chair and excusing herself and Tommy can’t take his eyes off Jon to acknowledge her leaving. Jon’s head is bandaged and his face is bruised.  _ Head trauma, possible brain damage, when he wakes up… _ Tommy can’t stand, suddenly, so he pulls over the chair and sits next to Jon’s unmoving form, reaching out to rest his fingers gently on the back of his hand. He tries to focus on the good part of what the doctor had said:  _ when he wakes up _ . Not if, when.  _ Stable condition _ .

Jon doesn’t wake up that night. Tommy naps fitfully in the chair next to his bed. He thinks Lovett and Tanya are still in the waiting room, but he can’t bring himself to leave Jon long enough to check. It’s four-thirty in the morning when he gives up on sleep. The night nurse smiles at him as she checks Jon’s vitals every hour. “Getting stronger,” she tells him at six. “That’s a good sign.”

It’s about ten o’clock when Tommy sees Jon’s eyelids start moving, like they do sometimes when he’s still dreaming while Tommy’s scrolling Twitter next to him in bed. Tommy leans in and squeezes his hand as Jon finally,  _ finally _ , blinks awake. He looks confused for a second, but then his eyes meet Tommy’s and he smiles. “Hey,” Jon croaks. “What happened?”

“There was an accident,” Tommy says soft and slow, reaching for the call button with the hand that’s not holding Jon’s.”You’re in the hospital, you’re going to be fine. I’m right here.” Jon’s face does something funny when he says that, but two nurses are sweeping in the room, bending over the bed and Tommy doesn’t have time to parse it. 

When the nurses are satisfied, they start to clear out, promising that the doctor will be in shortly. One of them leans in to Tommy’s ear as he walks out and says, “I’ll go let your friends know.” Tommy nods gratefully. Jon’s staring at him. 

“Don’t you have to go?” The question startles Tommy. Where would he have to go, Jon is right here. He must look confused because Jon continues, “You have reporters to yell at, don’t want Axe to be on your case.” 

“Wait, Jon.” Tommy is starting to freak out.  _ Brain damage… brain damage… when he wakes up. _ Jon can’t have… “Jon, what year is it?” Jon looks perplexed and he’s just opened his mouth to answer when the door opens behind Tommy. 

“Yeah I know they said we should wait a minute, but I need to tell him he’s an idiot who scared us all half to death.” Lovett is saying as he walks in. “Favs!” he calls delightedly as he comes up behind Tommy. Tanya’s greeting is softer but no less enthused. Jon looks confused and scared and now Tommy is  _ really _ freaking out. 

“Who… who are you?” Jon asks. There’s a small gasp and Lovett’s hand on Tommy’s shoulder tightens painfully.  _ Brain damage _ . Tommy is panicking, but Jon is looking to him, eyes pleading. Tommy hits the call button again and leans forward, focusing on meeting Jon’s eyes and staying calm. 

“Jon,” he says softly and evenly. “What year is it?” Jon looks like he’s thinking hard. Maybe he’s figured out why Tommy’s asking because he looks uncertain when he replies.

“Two thousand… seven?”

Lovett curses under his breath. The nurse who’s just walked in the room hurries around the corner of the bed, looking at the machines and Jon’s chart, already paging someone, the doctor, presumably. Jon is still looking at Tommy with pleading eyes, clearly aware that something is wrong. Tommy looks up at the nurse who nods silently at him. 

“Swee- Jon.” He catches himself just in time. “It’s 2018.”

 

\-----

 

There’s a flurry of activity upon the revelation that Jon’s lost eleven years of memory. The doctor comes in with more nurses and more equipment and Tanya and Lovett get kicked out of the room. They might mean to kick Tommy out too, but Jon won’t let go of his hand. 

The doctor seems to be reassured as she asks Jon questions and checks him over.  She tells them that they’ll get Jon in for a CAT scan later in the day, but there’s nothing to be done imminently. “Keep talking to him,” she tells Tommy, as the nurses leave the room again. “Let us know if anything else goes wrong.”

Jon is still clinging to Tommy’s hand. When they’re alone in the room, he seems to realize this and pulls back. He looks embarrassed. Tommy says, “It’s okay, I don’t mind,” and Jon immediately grabs it again. Tommy is trying so hard to not push and not rush and to respect Jon’s limits, but all he wants to do is pull him close and kiss the worried look off of his face. 

“Okay it’s 2018. Shit,” Jon says. “This isn’t like time travel, right? You can tell me things and it won’t create a paradox or whatever?” Tommy laughs harder than he should and Jon gives him an affronted look. A memory pops into his head of a weekend in July 2007. Jon had been in Iowa for a few days and they’d watched a whole series of time travel movies. A weekend that’s only a month ago for Jon. 

“Ask me anything,” Tommy says when he’s stopped laughing.

Jon’s first question is: “Does Obama win?” 

Tommy grins. “Yes! And he won in 2012 too. And we worked in the White House until 2013.”

“Awesome.” Jon thinks for a second, doing math slowly in his head. “Who’s president now?” 

“...fuck.” 

So that’s a downer.  Trying to come back from it, Tommy starts talking about Crooked Media and the difference they’re making. Jon’s starting to smile again because of course he and Tommy are doing all these things together.  Tommy gets animated, talking about the work he believes in. 

He doesn’t realize he’s gesturing with the hand that’s not holding Jon’s until Jon starts staring at it. Right, his wedding ring. “Hey, congrats.” Jon smirks, nodding at it. “She made an honest man out of you?”

She… Oh fuck, Tommy thinks. In 2007 he was with Katie. It’s maybe a little optimistic to presume that they’re still together, but Jon’s always been a bit of a romantic. And, well, he himself would have thought so, then.

Now, Tommy feels like his pocket’s on fire where he’s tucked Jon’s wedding ring into his wallet for safekeeping. They’d handed him the ring along with Jon’s watch and cell phone and a couple other things that had been pulled from his car when Tommy first got to the hospital last night.  And now... he might be holding onto it for a bit. Tommy twists his own ring as he tries to figure out where to start. 

“Jon, I’m not… Katie and I broke up in 2009.” Jon’s face darkens. Tommy doesn’t know where to go from here. He wants to tell Jon, everything, immediately. At the same time,  _ actually I’m married to you _ feels like a huge bomb to drop right at this moment. 

He doesn’t get to figure out what comes next as the door opens behind him and Jon’s parents and Andy come in. Tanya and Lovett must have called them, well realistically, Tanya must have called them, and Tommy feels guilty that he didn’t think to do so. Jon finally lets go of Tommy’s hand when his mom hugs him. Jon’s dad squeezes Tommy’s arm as he moves back to clear the space next to Jon. “Your mom’s on a plane already.” 

That’s, that’s good. Jon will remember having met Tommy’s mom. They got along instantly.  It’s fascinating how quickly Tommy’s brain has started to sort everything: to what Jon knows and what Jon doesn’t. 

The day passes quicker than Tommy anticipates. There are more scans and tests than he can keep track of. Jon spends most of the afternoon sleeping. Tommy’s mom arrives and drags him back to the house to shower and change. He stops in the waiting room on the way back in to hug Lovett tightly. “He’s going to be okay,” Tommy says. 

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” Lovett asks.

“Both.” Tommy sighs. “I still have to figure out how to tell him.” Lovett scrunches up his face sympathetically. 

“He’s lucky,” Lovett says, patting Tommy’s shoulder affectionately in dismissal. “You’ll manage. Go back to your boy.” 

It’s late in the evening that Jon and Tommy are alone again in Jon’s room. Jon seems like he’s feeling guilty that Tommy has barely left his side all day. “You really could go home and sleep or whatever, I’m sure you have other things to do.” 

Tommy takes a deep breath, now’s as good a time as it’s ever going to be. “No. No I don’t. I... We... god this is so dumb... Jon, there’s not anything more important than being here with you. You’re my business partner and my best friend and... well.” Just fucking say it. “You’re... we got married last May.” 

Jon’s just staring at him. Tommy has unfair inside knowledge. He knows, because they’ve talked about it, that 2007 Jon doesn’t  _ not  _ have feelings for him, even if he hasn’t completely sorted through them yet. That knowledge keeps him calm enough to watch Jon’s face while he processes through confusion and something that looks like wonder and lands on some kind of understanding. Like, oh that makes sense. That fits into the order of the universe.

“I... I don’t remember,” Jon says finally, looking frustrated again.

“I know. It’s okay. But I’m not leaving unless you actually don’t want me here.” Jon wants Tommy here, he always has. They sit quietly for a minute before Jon goes back to his questions.

They avoid the details of their relationship by unspoken agreement, but Jon wants to know everything he’s missed. What did they accomplish in the White House? Healthcare? Tommy sugarcoats it a little bit, sue him. And Republicans haven’t managed to undo it because turns out people like healthcare? Who would have thought? What did Tommy do? National security? Cool! They must have gone so many places and met so many people!

Jon has like a million more questions, but he’s falling asleep again.Tommy can see his eyes fighting to close while he’s asking, “hey wait, gay marriage?”    


Tommy just grins at him and says “June 26, 2015. Go to sleep Jon, I’ll tell you more later.” Jon’s face screws up and he reaches out for Tommy’s hand again. Tommy squeezes. “Sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jon wakes up at about three a.m. while Tommy is trying and failing to sleep in the uncomfortable hospital chair. He looks distressed and after Tommy calls a nurse in for pain meds he says, “tell me something good.” 

Tommy thinks for a minute before landing on the perfect story. He’s heard Jon tell the story of his phone call with Ann Nixon Cooper on election night so many times that he could retell it in his sleep, even if he hadn’t been there when it happened. He knows he’s done well when they’re both a little teary by the end.

Then Tommy continues, telling Jon about the atmosphere in campaign HQ when they called it; the way they cheered and then squished into buses to go to Grant Park; how Jon had gotten to be backstage with his parents and Andy and Josh while Obama spoke the words he had written. Tommy’s eyes are shining and Jon can  _ see _ it. He doesn’t remember it, he  _ wishes _ he could remember it. But he can  _ see it _ .

 

\-----

 

On Saturday, Tommy and Andy are sitting with Jon. Lovett’s name comes up again and again and again in their conversations. Finally, Jon says, “okay, stop.” Tommy and Andy giggle and he looks confused, but plows on. “Go back. Explain how we know Lovett, he’s obviously important.” Jon is starting to figure out just how bad it is that he doesn’t remember Lovett. He knows Tommy well enough to hear in his voice how much Lovett matters to him. He must matter to Jon too. 

Tommy says, “Okay. So you took this picture at a party...” It’s weird to try to sum up Lovett. Still, it’s easier than he might have thought it would be, because the point is that they love him and that he’s essential. The point is that he’s Jon’s best sounding board because they look at problems from totally different angles. The point is that they moved to LA in large part because Lovett was there. The point is that it’s  _ weird _ for Tommy to think back to life without him.

Andy points out that Lovett is camped out in the waiting room again. Jon says, “oh god, you should… go get him?”  He looks nervous about it and Tommy’s stomach is flipping, remembering the way they’d butted heads in the beginning before they learned to love each other. Lovett comes in  a few minutes later looking uncharacteristically uncertain and scared. 

Jon starts to say, “Hey, I’m sorry I…” 

Lovett interrupts, “hold up. You didn’t tell your brain to forget me. Unless you did.” He turns on Tommy, because if he can make this a joke maybe it’ll hurt less. “Is this some kind of conspiracy to get me out of your life guys? Vietor, was this your evil master plan?” Tommy is trying to look stern but he’s about to laugh, Lovett can tell. And then Jon starts giggling. It gets better after that. It’s still awkward and weird and Lovett’s jokes are pitched at a weird level, but it’s better.  

Dan drives down on Sunday. Jon is delighted to see him. Lovett is immediately fiercely jealous of the hero worship shining in Jon’s eyes. Tommy and Dan are mostly amused. The rest of the team and assorted friends are in and out all day. Tommy is super vigilant about Jon getting overtired and has no problem kicking people out so that Jon can rest. 

Tommy is just so careful and protective and Jon is so overwhelmed by it. Not that Tommy wasn’t kind and caring in 2007, but this Tommy is much older and more mature with it. Jon’s never had his attention like this. He’d only glimpsed flashes of how truly devoted Tommy could be from the outside looking in on his relationship with Katie. Having the full force of Tommy’s affection turned on him is a lot.

It’s Dan who finally brings it up. “Okay, there’s supposed to be a podcast tomorrow, you need to make some calls guys.” The room goes deathly silent. Tommy and Lovett have been avoiding thinking about it because when they have to go on air without Jon it’s going to make this real. 

 

\------

 

When they do the pod on Monday they don’t talk about Jon upfront. Dan and Lovett have pre-recorded the interview and done a call with Deray by the time Tommy gets to the office. The three of them get through the outline without incident. Finally, they can’t put off the intro any longer.

“Okay let’s go.” Lovett says nervously. At a nod from Tanya he launches in, “Welcome to Pod Save America, I’m Jon Lovett.” 

“I’m Tommy Vietor.”

“I’m Dan Pfeiffer.” 

Tommy looks down at the carefully worded piece of paper in his hand. “Jon…” He freezes, unable to form the rest of the words of the sentence. There’s a tug as Lovett reaches over and takes it from him. 

“Jon Favreau was, um, in a car accident last week. He’s doing well and we’re hopeful he’ll make a full recovery, but he’s out of commission for the time being. We appreciate your patience as we work around his absence and we appreciate the well wishes I’m sure all of our mentions will soon be flooded with.” Lovett laughs hollowly. “A few other pieces of housekeeping…” 

Tommy realizes he’s crying as Lovett continues to plug the other shows and upcoming tour dates. Luckily his breakdown is mostly silent and thankfully they’re basically done. When the mics go off, Lovett just stares at him for a long long moment before getting up and giving him a hug. Tommy lets himself relax into the embrace for a few minutes. Then he hurries out of the studio and out of the office, driven by a burning need to get back to Jon. 

 

\-----

 

A week after the accident, Tommy takes Jon home. The doctors are sure they’ve done everything they can do in the hospital. His physical injuries are healing nicely, if slower than Jon would like. But his memory is still gone and no one has answers. His doctor tells him that there’s nothing in particular to be concerned about on the CAT scans or MRIs. His memory might come back in bits and pieces or all at once or it might not ever come back. This is frustrating for everyone involved, but at least it means he can leave the hospital.

They’re silent during the whole drive. Tommy is laser focused on the road. Jon is super tense in the passenger seat because of the car and the pain and the nerves. Tommy drives super slow and careful and tries to avoid any bumps. He pulls in their driveway, walks around to open Jon’s door, and offers him a hand as he climbs out. Jon gratefully takes it and leans into the support as they walk up to the porch.

Once inside, Tommy goes to steer him to the couch to rest but Jon pulls away to walk around and look at everything. Tommy hovers behind him the whole time while he wanders through the house; checking out all of the Obama memorabilia, picking up random branded stuff and tourist knick knacks they’ve collected. He pauses in the kitchen to examine the baby pictures and save the dates on the fridge from various friends and family members. Elijah had cleaned up the dinner Tommy was in the middle of making when he came to get the dogs so the kitchen is clean. Tommy  _ did _ turn the stove off.

There’s a collage frame of wedding pictures in the middle of their living room. Jon stares at it for a really long time. Tommy can’t look at him while he’s looking at it. He doesn’t want to know what Jon’s face is doing as he studies the photos. The big picture in the middle of them kissing; the pictures with their families; the picture with the wedding party where everyone is laughing their faces off because Lovett couldn’t stay quiet for the portraits.

Jon finally turns away from it and walks over to put his hand on the piano, eyes on Tommy’s guitar leaning against it. He turns back to Tommy after a minute, his eyes wide and pained. Jon wants to remember so desperately. The life he’s lived in this house, with this man, must be so wonderful and he can’t remember a bit of it. 

Finally, Jon lets Tommy guide him down to the couch and turn on  _ The West Wing _ . Tommy putters around straightening things up for a while, but then he grabs his laptop and settles in next to him. Jon falls asleep on his shoulder about twenty minutes in. Tommy’s heart hurts.

When he wakes up, Tommy suggests that they Postmates dinner. Explaining and demonstrating Postmates and then various other apps on Tommy’s phone fills the time until their food arrives. As they’re finishing eating, Elijah brings the dogs home.

As soon as Leo gets in the door he runs right for his dad. Tommy and Elijah try and fail to stop him jumping on Jon. Jon is just laughing joyfully and leaning in to let Leo lick his face, immediately one hundred percent in love and putty in Leo’s paws.

Lucca’s not far behind, but Tommy manages to scoop her up before she can jump on him. At least every version of Jon Favreau loves dogs. His face is just completely lit up while Leo crawls all over him. He’s reaching out for Lucca so Tommy sits down next to him so he can cuddle her too.

“I’m gonna…” Elijah jerks his head towards the door. “Seriously, let me know if you guys need anything.” 

“Thanks dude,” Tommy says, smiling at him gratefully. He’s pretty sure Jon hasn’t even noticed Elijah is in the room, focused on the dogs. It’s good to see him so uncomplicatedly happy. The dogs aren’t liable to suddenly reference something Jon has no context for and provoke that scrunched frustrated face that Tommy has come to loathe in the past week. They’re just happy to be home with their dads.

 

\-----

 

When Jon starts nodding off again, fingers tangled in Leo’s curls, Tommy taps his shoulder lightly. “Hey, why don’t you go up to bed?” He offers a hand to help Jon off the couch. They pause awkwardly in the hallway. “I’m gonna sleep in the guest room. It’s all…”

“No no. I’m not kicking you out of your own space. I’ll take the guest room.” Tommy looks like he’s going to protest so Jon continues, “It  _ really _ doesn’t make any difference for me.”

“Okay… Bathroom’s the next door down, there should be towels on the rack.” Jon can hear Tommy moving around across the hall as he gets into bed. Leo jumps up and curls up next to his pillow. Jon had been half asleep on the couch before they walked upstairs, but as soon as he’s properly lying down, he can’t sleep.

Tommy just lies there staring at the ceiling for hours. At some point, Lucca crawls up onto his chest and snuggles close. That’s when he starts to cry. It’s all so much. He’s not sure how much longer he can handle it. Tommy didn’t know he could miss Jon so much when Jon is right there.

The second day Jon’s home, they spend most of the day quietly on the couch. Tommy sends some emails and does some other work things. They go out in the backyard for a while with the dogs, before Lovett comes over to eat dinner with them and demand that Jon watch  _ Inglourious Basterds _ immediately.

After the movie finishes, they head off to bed early. Tommy is looking up at his ceiling again, willing himself to sleep, when their bedroom door opens slowly and Jon super tentatively pokes his head in, Leo at his heels. “Can I...?”

Jon knows this is okay in theory, like, Tommy married him, there’s photographic proof, presumably he loves him. But he’s still very coded in the “best bro, in love with Katie, off limits” part of Jon’s mind even though he rationally knows that’s outdated and incorrect, so this still feels like a giant leap. 

He’s always had some some weird feelings when it comes to Tommy. Having attentive husband Tommy entirely focused on him this past week has made those feelings stronger and clearer. When he was lying in bed not sleeping yet again, he'd thought through it and realized that in the hospital, Tommy had always been there in the chair beside him. He has no problem falling asleep on the couch when Tommy's next to him so maybe...

Tommy’s heart leaps traitorously as he nods at Jon. Tommy is full of desperate, sad longing for his husband. On the other hand, he does care about this Jon who's not  _ his _ Jon and he's never slept in this bed alone.

Jon opens the door all the way and Tommy scoots further over on his side of the bed. Jon walks around and sits down tentatively. "I just... I couldn't sleep."

Tommy smiles ruefully at him. "Tell me about it." That gives Jon the courage to slide into the bed. The dogs curl up at their feet and Tommy feels so right and so wrong at the same time. They both breathe slowly for a couple minutes, chests rising and falling in unison, before Jon reaches out for Tommy’s hand.

Tommy has the first good night of sleep he's had in a week.

 

\-----

 

It would be frightening how quickly they settle into a new rhythm, except that they don’t really have another choice. Tommy and Lovett do the Monday pods and take turns joining Dan on Thursdays. It works, kind of. 

After a couple days of being bored to tears at home by himself, Jon starts coming in to hang out in the office during the week, for lack of anything else to do and because Tommy’s there. He sleeps on the couch a lot and sits at the desk that apparently belongs to him, trying to at least somewhat catch up on the world. 

Everyone in the office is really nice and caring at him but he can tell he's just kind of underfoot. Elijah conscientiously keeps him out of the instastories, knowing that all of their mentions are still a disaster of concerned listeners, but wanting Jon and Tommy to be able to choose what they're sharing with the world. Tanya patiently leans over from her own desk every time he gets lost in the internet to point him back from the wormholes. There’s never a minute when he doesn’t have at least four drinks and two snacks on his desk, delivered by the last person to visit the kitchen.

Despite the concern radiated at him from everyone else about it, Jon spends a lot of time listening to the old pods. It’s weird to listen to his own voice, confidently going through the dynamics of healthcare fights, tax policy, and conservative propaganda. This guy really knows his shit. Jon listens to him wondering if he'll ever be like that again.

He asks Lovett at one point. If he’s different. Lovett squints at him with an expression that says  _ how stupid are you _ before responding carefully. “I mean yeah. You talk different? Less, precise? Also all your slang is super dated, we need to work on that.” Lovett has made him a massive list of movies and tv shows and music ranked by quality and cultural relevance. “Your facial expressions are different too, kind of like you’re playing yourself.” Jon wishes he knew who this person he’s playing was.

 

\-----

 

When Jon gets to the podcast they recorded right before their wedding, he can’t do anything for the rest of the day. They were so giggly and excited. The world was on fire and the President was obstructing justice, but they sounded so in love. 

That night when they’re on the couch watching TV, Jon’s resting his head on Tommy’s chest when he can’t hold his curiosity in anymore.

“Tommy?” 

“Hmm?”

“Will you tell me our story?”

Jon’s picked up bits and pieces. Tommy might try, but he can’t keep all facts of their relationship out of evidence when they’re around their friends all the time and Jon is asking so many questions about the gap and there are pictures everywhere. Still, Jon’s never asked and Tommy's never said.

Tommy was trying to not put his thumb on the scales, so to speak. What if Jon never gets back his memory and he doesn't want Tommy anymore? Tommy doesn't want to push him, he doesn't want to keep him if he doesn't want... If he wants something different. He thinks guiltily about the ring tucked away in his sock drawer against rejection. He doesn't want to color Jon’s decision with his feelings and all the past that he doesn’t remember. 

But now Jon’s asked.  Tommy freaks out for a second, before he collects himself. "Really? you want..."

"I asked, didn't I? Tommy please." He pulls out the puppy dog eyes. Tommy sighs and opens his mouth.

The thing is, Tommy doesn't remember when it started. He'd asked Jon once, and Jon had gotten super awkward about it. They’d been engaged and Jon really didn't have anything to be embarrassed about, but he'd never... It turns out it had started a lot longer ago than Tommy ever would have imagined.

Tommy doesn't say that part now of course, because, well even with the amnesia, Jon probably knows the beginning even if he’s missing so much of the middle.

Tommy remembers it starting after he and Katie broke up. After he moved in with Cody and Michael and Lovett, when he spent just as much time at Favs’ place as he did his own. They'd all been codependent, all the Obama bros, and Jon and Tommy had been codependent for years at this point, so he didn't notice at first. 

_ They're together pretty much every day because of work anyways, and then when they’re done working they hang out. They hang out all the time because they like each other and meeting new people is hard. Sometimes they go out and flirt with girls at bars. Its 2011 and Lovett is leaving for LA before Tommy notices that Jon doesn't bring anyone home anymore. Neither does he. _

_ They get really drunk at Lovett’s goodbye party and Jon comes back to the bro house with them all afterwards. Jon and Tommy sit on Lovett’s bed and watch him throw all of his clothes into the suitcase he needs to take to LA the next day. They don’t sleep, taut with energy and unable to waste a moment.  _

_ In the morning, they take Lovett to the airport. They watch him walk through the doors and Jon's head falls on Tommy's shoulder. Tommy means to drop Jon off at his own place, but he's half asleep and just drives back home on autopilot. Jon doesn't comment and just follows Tommy inside. They both crash out on Tommy's bed for most of the day. _

_ Nothing happens, it doesn't mean anything really, but Tommy wakes up with Jon lying half across his chest, their legs tangled together. It feels, different. They're both naturally tactile; their friendship has always been one of casual touches and the emotional honesty that comes with seeing each other at their lowest, most tired points on the regular, but it's a little different now. _

_ Tommy starts cataloguing all the times they brush together, cataloguing the ways Jon's voice changes when he says something that's just for Tommy, cataloguing all the hours they spend together when they don’t have to. They're so busy and it could be nothing and he doesn't know. They spend all their time together, Tommy is keeping track now. _

_ Jon goes to LA for a fundraiser and hangs out with Lovett and comes back talking about California and leaving the White House and leaving Tommy. But then he says "you should come" and Tommy who loves his job, loves his job, thinks: yes. _

_ There’s a crisis that summer at work and Tommy doesn’t leave the sit room for days. When he finally gets to go home, Jon comes over, unprompted, with pizza. Cody and Michael are somewhere, so it’s just Jon and Tommy on the couch, yelling at cable news because they have a fucking complex, eating pizza and drinking beer.  _

_ As the night goes on, they get looser and more tangled together on the couch. Jon's reaching over Tommy for another piece of pizza when he pauses. He's looking down at Tommy and Tommy is looking up at him and they're just frozen. Jon moves first, dropping the hand that was reaching for the pizza to touch Tommy's face gently. _ _  
_

_ Tommy can't breathe, looking up at Jon, whose eyes have gone soft. Jon's thumb is stroking his face slowly and Tommy can't wait anymore. He reaches up and wraps a hand around Jon's neck and pulls him down and then they're making out on Tommy's couch like teenagers. _

_ They get interrupted when Cody comes home. They don't talk about it for a few weeks. They're not avoiding each other; they're just avoiding the conversation. They eat lunch together, legs tangled under the table. They work late in Jon's office in companionable silence. They go out with the guys on Friday night and lean against each other against the wall.  _

_ On a rare night that they get off work early, they go out to a new restaurant in Jon's neighborhood. While Tommy's looking over the wine list, Jon reaches over and grabs his hand where it’s resting on the table. Tommy puts the menu down and looks across the table at him. "Hey." _ _  
_

_ "Hey" _

_ "Are we... are we dating?" Tommy makes a face at how dumb the question sounds out loud but Jon is smiling. _

_ "If you want to be." Tommy’s heart is in his throat. This still feels too vulnerable somehow, but then Jon continues, "I want to be." _

_ "I... me too" Luckily the table is narrow enough that Jon can lean over and kiss him until the waiter coughs politely. They order quickly and when the waiter steps away again Tommy says, "It's going to be hard to eat dinner when all I want to do is take you home and press you against the wall and kiss you senseless." Jon turns red.  _

_ After dinner, Tommy keeps his promise. _

_ Tommy moves into Jon's place two days after Obama wins reelection. It's easier, he realizes, to handle the stress when he's coming home to Jon every night. _

"That seems really soon to have moved in," Jon observes on their couch in LA. Tommy bristles but Jon's face is... awed. "You must have been really sure." 

"I was." Tommy says softly. "We were."   


_ They leave the White House on the same day and start Fenway and grow together. They decide they need to get out of DC a year later, after they've both spent time in Chicago teaching at IOP. There's a couple options they talk about, but there's really only one choice. They move in across the street from Lovett. _

_ They decide to get married without a lot of pomp and circumstance. _

_ Lovett's at their house for dinner, uninvited of course, the week that Pence gets named as the Vice Presidential nominee. Lovett goes off on a whole tear about how the fuck are people still allowed to hold positions of any kind of power in this country with the kind of regressive ass views that he has. Tommy gets just as riled up pretty quickly and they're both yelling and cursing and a takeout container gets knocked off the table because of somebody's gesturing. _ _  
_

_ Jon's just watching them go. Suddenly he cuts in, low and calm and clear. "Marry me." _ _  
_

_ "What?!?!" Lovett yelps. _ _  
_

_ "Not you." _

_ "Rude," Lovett says. "I would make an excellent husband." _

_ Jon ignores him. "Tommy. Marry me." _

_ Tommy is staring at him. "Really? That's the kind of political statement you're making now that you aren't writing words to change the nation anymore?" _

_ "No. Well, yes, but that's not." Jon disappears upstairs. Tommy and Lovett sit at the table staring at each other. He comes pounding down the stairs a minute later with a ring box in his hand "I just couldn't wait anymore." He goes to one knee. "Tommy, will you marry me?" _   


“That time, I said  _ yes _ .” Tommy finishes, firmly focused on the wall. He’s got tears in his eyes and he won’t look, can’t look at Jon. Jon, on the other hand, can't take his eyes off of Tommy. They sit in silence for a couple minutes before Tommy stands up abruptly.  "I'm going to take the dogs for a walk." Jon is clearly not invited to join him.

Tommy goes outside with the dogs and walks around the block several times. On his third lap he has to stop on the corner to ugly sob. He just misses Jon so much he can’t even stand it sometimes. He finally gathers himself enough to go back in the house. Jon’s still sitting on the couch, laptop in his lap. Familiar music is playing, intermixed with the sound of their voices. 

Jon had noticed the folder on his laptop labeled “wedding” on his first exploration of the computer. It feels like snooping, even though it’s technically his own stuff, so he’s been conscientiously ignoring it. When Tommy runs out of the house, he picks up the laptop more for something to do with his hands than anything else. He can’t resist the folder anymore, after listening to Tommy. Inside he finds several subfolders of photos, a document labeled “vows,” and a video. 

He’s watching it for the third time when he hears a choked sob behind him. Jon’s had tears in his eyes since it started playing. It’s more overwhelming than he expected it to be, watching himself look at Tommy adoringly; watching them both cry through their vows; watching Lovett tear up while doing the pronouncement.   


Jon turns around when he realizes Tommy is standing behind him. "Shit I'm sorry!" 

Tommy just shakes his head. He walks into the kitchen and Jon turns the video off and hesitantly gets up to follow him. Tommy is reaching in the fridge for beer and turns to hand one to Jon. "Come on, what was it Lovett said we had to watch tonight?"   
  


\-----   
  
Over objection,  Lovett kidnaps Tommy for a "best friends without amnesia" night out. It’s more necessary than Tommy had anticipated. It feels good to let himself complain about how overwhelmed he is. They drink way too much and when they get home, Tommy immediately heads for the couch where Jon and Andy are watching  _ Pineapple Express _ . 

Andy gets up to walk Lovett across the street while Tommy collapses on the couch, half in Jon's lap. Jon would claim that he stays on the couch to finish the movie. It's the only thing Andy liked on Lovett's list and he doesn’t want to have to watch it again. Lovett is a completionist. He’s honestly not paying that much attention though, distracted by the feeling of Tommy pressed against him. Tommy mutters something into his thigh and Jon reaches down to stroke his hair without thinking about it. He can't believe that he had this all the time and then went and forgot it.

By the time the movie ends, Tommy's sobered up enough to push himself up from Jon's lap. He goes to get up and trips over his foot on the way. Jon says, "whoa" and reaches out with his good arm to steady him. Jon keeps a loose grip around his waist as he walks him upstairs until Tommy falls onto the bed. Jon leaves him there and goes back down to the kitchen to let the dogs out and get Tommy a glass of water. 

Tommy’s fighting with his shoes when Jon gets back to the bedroom. "Here let me help you." Tommy obligingly kicks his feet up on the bed for Jon to unlace and tug his shoes off. They awkwardly work together to wrangle off Tommy’s jeans and button down. Jon finds himself staring at the freckles on his thighs where they disappear under his boxers as Tommy flops back onto the pillows. He shakes himself away to brush his teeth and pull on his own pajama pants.   
  
Tommy is starfished out in the middle of the bed, staring at the ceiling. Jon shoves him over and climbs into bed next to him. Tommy immediately rolls back over to throw an arm over his middle, his head pressed under Jon’s arm. Tommy’s always been a cuddly drunk. They both are, but Jon’s not drunk right now so he can pretend to have superiority.    
  
Tommy is mumbling again and this time Jon can kind of hear him. "you're so... I just want..." Jon strokes his hair and he quiets for a moment. Jon thinks he's fallen asleep but then he says, "love you" as his arm tightens around Jon’s stomach.    


In the morning, Tommy's disappeared by the time Jon wakes up. He comes in from his run while Jon's in the kitchen making coffee and petting Leo. Jon holds out a mug wordlessly and Tommy says "Thanks. Sorry about last night." 

Jon just laughs at him. “Hey, I know I missed some shirtless flip cup adventures, but I  _ have _ seen you drunk before.” 

 

\-----

  
Lovett insists that Tommy has to go to at least one of their live shows because, “me and Dan doing it with assorted contributors is getting sad.” Jon’s got two functioning arms and finally seems comfortable in the house, so Tommy obliges and leaves for a weekend. Their absence is apparently the impetus Jon needed to finally figure out how to use his phone, the goddamn luddite, which means they all get some horrendous snapchats.   


When Tommy finally makes it home after a twice delayed flight, he opens the door to be immediately mobbed by excited dogs. Lovett stayed in New York for an extra couple of days, so he has to wade through all three of them. He finally gets far enough in to close the door and looks up to see Jon standing in the hall watching him. “Hey.”

The expression on his face is familiar, but not. He looks like  _ him _ and Tommy almost forgets for a second. Then Jon's crossing the floor to him and this look is new. He hugs Tommy so hard it almost hurts. Tommy relaxes into his arms instinctively. "I missed you," Jon says quietly. 

Tommy is surprised. "I missed you too." He's even more surprised to realize how much he means it. He missed Jon, and more than just the constant ache of missing his husband, he missed  _ this _ Jon; with his anachronisms, his desperate attempts to read the entire internet, his inherent optimism untarnished by a decade of politics, and the way his face lights up when the dogs enter a room. "I really missed you," Tommy admits into Jon's shoulder.   


Then Jon's pulling back and Tommy looks up, concerned. Jon looks resolved though. His hands are rubbing up and down Tommy's arms. Then he reaches upward so that his hand rests on the side of Tommy’s head. 

Tommy has no idea what’s going on. Jon's smiling at him. "Can I... I know I'm not who you want me to be, but I... Tommy I think I'm in love with you. Can I please kiss you?"   
  
Tommy's kissing him before he finishes his sentence.

 

\------

 

Jon’s sitting in the office scrolling through Twitter when Lovett and Tommy come out of the studio from recording ads. In the three months since the accident, Jon has gotten pretty well caught up on the podcasts and if he hasn’t read the whole internet, he’s made a dent. He’s starting to feel like an actual person who’s somewhat capable of existing in 2018. He still has yet to actually engage anything on Twitter but it’s only a matter of time because he’s addicted to scrolling it and sending Lovett and Tommy and Dan bad takes.

Lovett walks from the studio to perch on Tanya’s desk. “Jon back me up here, it’s not bad to share honest opinions on unrelated things in ad reads, right?”    


“I just don’t think our listeners need to hear about how much you hate the new iPhone update in an ad about sheets,” Tommy’s trying to sound stern but is failing to disguise the laughter underneath.   
  
Lovett is going on again and Jon says without thinking, “well I’m not the one who almost told thousands of listeners that I slept with Jim Acosta, so I really can’t say.”   


Tommy’s laughing, but Lovett is staring at him “I never told you about... Tommy are you slandering me behind my back again?”

“Always, Lovett,” Tommy says casually. Then he thinks about it and abruptly stops giggling. “Wait. Not about that.” Lovett and Tommy are both staring at Jon now.

Lovett turns out towards the rest of the office accusingly. “Tanya…” he growls.

Tanya is throwing her hands up in denial, but Jon has a really weird look on his face. Tommy is next to him immediately, going to his knees by Jon’s desk. “What’s wrong? Jon, are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine I just...” Jon’s scrunching his face up. “I remember it?”   
  
It’s Lovett who doesn’t believe him. Tommy totally freezes. Lovett jumps off of Tanya’s desk and starts pacing. “No that… We must have left it in and just thought we cut it, or someone mentioned it in passing or… or...”   
  
Jon’s frantically trying to make his brain cooperate. It’s been weeks since he’s pushed at it so hard and maybe that was the secret because he can remember it as clear as anything. “No. Lovett. We were in the studio, recording a Tommy John ad. You were wearing your stupid ‘electric in any medium’ hat. Tommy fell out of his chair laughing and then you tipped over your Diet Coke and broke the glass.”

“You bought me that hat, asshole,” Lovett snaps. “This really isn’t a funny joke Jon.”   
  
“I’m not fucking joking! Why would I...” Jon’s head hurts. His face is screwed up in pain from the headache and from Lovett being so…

“I don’t know why you would joke about it but it’s fucking cruel.” Lovett is looming over him, insofar as Lovett can loom. Jon’s got his head in his hands.

“I’m not...” Jon makes a choked noise and that finally snaps Tommy out of whatever trance he’s gone into. As he leans up to reach for Jon, he puts a hand on Lovett’s stomach to gently push him out of Jon’s space. Lovett goes, leaning back against the wall to glower at them.    
  
“Hey, hey, Jon it’s okay. It’s okay.” Jon lets his hands drop to look at Tommy and Tommy’s heart breaks at how vulnerable and scared he looks.“If you say you remember it, then you remember it.” Tommy says gently, stroking his hands up and down Jon’s trembling arms. “I believe you okay? It’s okay.”

“I can’t... I can’t remember anything else. Just the one...”

“The doctor said it could happen like this, remember?” Tommy says slow and careful, pushing back his own freakout to focus on Jon. Jon’s gulping in air as tears start rolling down his face. “She said you might start getting memories back bit by bit or just a few here and there. We’ll call and make an appointment for tomorrow, okay?”

Jon nods and collapses forwards into Tommy’s waiting arms with a sob. Lovett is still watching warily from the wall while Tommy rubs Jon’s back and makes nonsense comfort noises. Jon can’t stop crying. He wants to remember more than he’s ever wanted anything, especially with the tease of a memory slotting back into its proper place. 

He’s finally starting to get under control when Lovett says in a really small voice “Sorry.” That makes Jon cry harder. Tommy takes his hand off Jon’s back for a second to reach behind him and tug Lovett’s shirt. Lovett obligingly follows the pull until he’s on the ground next to them. “I’m sorry okay? Please don’t... I’m sorry I’m such a dick”

Jon lifts his head from Tommy’s chest to lean it against Lovett’s shoulder. “No you’re… it’s...” He can’t find the words so he turns his face into Lovett’s neck. Lovett’s hand hesitatingly comes up to stroke his back, Tommy’s arms still around them both. They stay on the floor in an emotional heap for much longer than is appropriate in an office space. 

When they give up on pretending to work an hour later, Tommy gives Lovett a stern look and says, “dinner. Our house.” It’s not a request.

It’s awkward. They’re all so emotionally overwrought already that no one wants to step on any toes while they eat their tacos. Jon and Lovett are shyer with each other than Tommy’s ever seen them, trying to cloak it with too much politeness. When they move to the couch, Tommy purposely sits on the end so that they’ll have to interact with each other.

Tommy spends more time looking at them than at the TV. They both relax as the movie plays, Lovett maintaining a running commentary which Jon giggles at until his eyes start to droop. He still sleeps a lot, which the doctor says is normal and Jon absolutely hates. Tommy worries a little, but mostly he enjoys the fact that he’s Jon’s preferred pillow.

When he’s sure that Jon is totally passed out in his lap, Tommy reaches for the remote to turn the volume down and looks at Lovett. "You okay dude?"

"No, obviously not," Lovett says to the floor. It usually works to wait him out when he gets like this, so Tommy just looks at him until he starts talking. Lovett’s been trying so hard to keep from burdening Tommy with his own shit because Tommy has been dealing with enough. But he screamed at his amnesiac best friend in their office today, he probably owes  _ somebody _ an explanation and once he starts talking it all spills out.

“It’s just that... I miss Jon so so so much. Like, sure we hang out all the time and it’s fun to try to culture him and allegedly amnesia!Jon likes me, sure, but it’s not the  _ same _ .”  Lovett knows Tommy knows this but he needs to throw a little fit anyway because it’s been three months and  _ he  _ hasn’t gotten to be obnoxious with PDA in the office since his husband loves him again! “It’s just. What if he only likes me now because he feels like he has to?”

Tommy opens his mouth like he’s going to disagree but Lovett plows on. “No look. I used to  _ know _ . I knew he liked me because of everything. Because all the late nights in the office, because he moved across the country to move in across the street, because of the dogs, because of the way he laughs, laughed, like he wanted to sit in my jokes forever. Now all of that is gone and Jon's just like, trusting that I’m… What if that falls apart? What if he doesn’t actually like me this time around?”

“I’m so…” he has to pause to take a breath. “Look. The thing I want more than literally anything in the entire world is for Jon's memories to come back, like I  _ dream _ about Jon walking into the office with his memory magically back. But I can’t, I can’t... I can’t just be hoping it’s going to change because then I’m never going to be able to move forward. So then today… I’ve spent so much time convincing myself it was never going to happen that I actually succeeded?”

Tommy’s listened patiently to this whole outpouring of emotions with Jon passed out in his lap, one hand stroking his hair, the other arm laid out over the back of the couch and resting lightly on Lovett’s shoulder. Lovett finally winds himself down. "Anyway, I shouldn't have fucking yelled at him, I know I'm the worst, feel free to tell me how awful I was."

"Oh Lovett." Tommy says, squeezing Lovett’s shoulder. "I know. Believe me, I fucking know."

Lovett kind of shrugs and says, "yeah of course."

"No like, when he said he remembered, I couldn't fucking breathe because I’ve been refusing to let myself think about it,” his chest feels tight again, even hours later.  "I love him," Tommy continues, looking at Jon's sleeping face. "In every form, no matter what. But  _ God _ Lovett, what I wouldn't give for a magic fairytale memory restoration tomorrow."   
  
Tommy is so soft and vulnerable that Lovett wants to hug him, but it’s not super physically possible, so he settles for squeezing the hand that's resting on his shoulder. They’re pretty quiet for the rest of the night; there’s not a whole lot left to say.  When Lovett gets up and calls Pundit to go home, Tommy carefully shifts Jon off his lap to walk him to the door and give him a fiercely tight hug before he leaves.

 

\-----

 

It’s not a fluke.  Jon's memories keep coming back in bits and pieces. At first it’s slow. On Sunday, Tommy's making breakfast and Jon's sitting at the counter watching him. All of a sudden he goes really stiff and then _ smiles _ and says, "remember when I'd just moved in to my place in DC and didn't have anything unpacked and you crashed on my floor after we tried to put together the couch and the next morning you made scrambled eggs in a disposable pie pan?"

Tommy drops an egg. "Yeah... _ do you _ ?" Jon just grins in response until Tommy crosses the room to kiss the smile off his face.

Three days later, they're in the office and Jon leans over to Tommy’s desk. "Hey, did your desk in the White House used to wobble on one leg?"

Tommy says, "yeah. Lovett kept--"

"Knocking everything off by leaning on it while ranting," Jon finishes.

"Jonathan!" Lovett squeals, knocking four empty cans off of his own desk while jumping to his feet in excitement. Dumping all his icky feelings seems to have helped him reframe the whole Jon's memory thing and he’s now all in on the delight.

Once Jon’s memories are returning regularly and his doctor has confirmed that everything seems healthy and normal, Jon starts to have fun with it.  Lovett comes into the office late and Pundit comes flying over to where Leo is lying at Jon’s feet and he leans down to pet her while calling to Lovett, "I still can't believe that you blamed me when you let your puppy pee in that uber." Lovett is winding up a retort when he realizes that Jon _ shouldn’t _ know that, and then he's in crisis because he wants to defend his baby but also Jon!

Tommy is complaining about his sneakers as he’s getting ready to go for a run. Jon hugs him from behind and says, “why don't we go to that athletic store in Santa Barbara that you liked so much?" Tommy, who'd been planning to read for his next interview all day, finds himself on a spontaneous day trip to Santa Barbara.

Dan's skyping in early for the Thursday pod and Jon pokes his head in the studio to ask him something about sports. Dan's responded before he realized that Jon just referenced something that happened in 2015 and that’s how Dan finds out that his memory is coming back.

A month or so after Jon’s memories start returning, he's cuddled in bed with Tommy, half scrolling Twitter and half watching a movie. Jon tentatively reentered the Twitter world a week and a half ago and he’s already fully addicted again. So when Tommy kisses his head as the movie ends, it takes him a minute to  pull himself away from the snarky reply he's composing to one of Paul Ryan’s staffers. Once he's succeeded in disconnecting, Jon says, "hey, can I... can I talk to you about something?"

Tommy's not proud of the way his heart starts to pound. He's not sure what he's thinking is going to happen but, that’s a really ominous way to start a conversation. Something dark inside him is whispering: this is when he leaves you; his brain is back online enough to get along without you. Tommy pushes that thought away.  "Sure ba- Sure Jon, you can talk to me about anything?"

"Shit Tommy, it’s nothing bad. I just didn't know how to get into it without a sequitur." Tommy visibly relaxes, so Jon continues. "I realized yesterday... I think I remember a lot more than I thought I did?"

That makes Tommy tense up again. Try as they might to make it normal, Jon’s memory is still a sensitive subject. "What do you mean?"

"It's like, I was wondering why all the things I was remembering were little weird moments. And I know any memory is good memory, I'm not stressing about mostly remembering weird things Lovett's said about video games." Tommy laughs, but he's still looking at Jon intently. "But then I was thinking about it and I remember moving into our house, and I remember watching the results come in in Chicago, and I remember pushing Lovett's car the day after the election. "

"Jon." Tommy looks shaken.

"I don't have it all, probably not even half, but I realized that you guys had told me so much about things that I just didn't realize that I remembered them too. "

"What's it like?" Tommy asks, uncharacteristically timid.

"I don't know." Jon thinks for a second, looking for the words to explain it. "It's like. It still feels like it ought to be like December 2007. I don't like have the timeline for everything. But it's been getting mushier and clearer at the same time. Like it's been what four months, but now I've got enough memories that it feels like it's been like a year?" he pauses and makes a frustrated noise. "Like, not a real year, but. I don't know it's hard to explain. I'm still... like, me? But I remember all this stuff like its from a movie but also like I lived it? Fuck this is confusing."

"It's okay." Tommy stops him. "I get it, it's okay."

"You don't get it. _ I _ don't get it,” Jon complains.

"Well okay, no I don't get it, but I get, enough." Tommy's quiet for a second. "You know it doesn't matter right?" Jon chuckles bitterly at that and Tommy takes a breath because Jon's been brave and vulnerable and so he can return the favor.

"Hey. It doesn't matter. I love you okay?" Jon's entire face brightens. He knew, really he did, but Tommy been reticent about  _ saying _ it. "I love you if you never remember another thing; I love you if you wake up tomorrow just like you were before the accident; I love you if you become Drew Barrymore in “Fifty First Dates” and we have to start fresh every day."

"God, Tommy." Jon's pushing him into the mattress, climbing on top of him to kiss him. He pulls back after a minute and says, "One thing I know. Every mushed up, confused piece of me loves you."

 

\-----

 

Some days are good and some days aren’t. One day Jon ends up sobbing in the laundry room because he just cannot remember when he bought the shirt he’s folding. Tommy finds him on the floor with the dogs in his lap and gets down next to them to hug him and reminds him about the weird little store they’d stumbled across while visiting Tommy’s mom.

Mostly though, Jon’s getting steadier and surer. More like his old self. The uncertainty-shielding cocky bravado’s been replaced by the earned confidence of what he’s accomplished. He’s quicker with a snarky comeback when Lovett teases him. He moves through the house and the office with easy familiarity and kisses Tommy like he’s been in love with him for years.

Except for that first flash of memory from recording an ad, his returning memories seem to come back oldest first, or at least the remaining big gaps seem to be in the year immediately preceding the accident. Jon’s sometimes just so  _ frustrated _ by it, even though he knows that the general forward movement is more than he had any right to expect after the accident.

One morning, Tommy wakes up and rolls towards Jon in bed and says, "Good morning love." Jon's looking at him with a beloved, cheesy, slightly teasing gap-toothed grin.

Jon leans in to kiss him and his hands come up to cradle Tommy's head and this is very nice and sweet and all, but not worthy of the cheshire cat grin. Tommy's thinking about pulling back to ask what’s up, but then Jon's hands slip down his neck and his thumb is pressing into the sensitive spot that gives Tommy goosebumps all over that he'd discovered on their honeymoon.

At first Tommy just arches up into it, but then he processes what Jon just did. As far as Tommy knows, Jon still doesn't remember their wedding. Tommy pulls back to look at Jon inquisitively and Jon grins again. "Hey babe, quick question. What the fuck have you done with my ring?"

 

\-----

 

Almost exactly six months to the day of the accident, everyone is gathered in the studio. The dogs are already rolling around in a pile in the corner, with at least three iPhones trained on them. Dan’s in town for a long weekend and Lovett’s made a big production out of rearranging the chairs so that the camera will capture his good side. Dan looks vaguely affronted at this, but obligingly sits where Lovett puts him. 

Jon’s biting his lip in the doorway when Tommy wraps his arms around him from behind. “How are we doing?” he asks, soft enough for everyone else to miss. Jon shrugs a little and grabs hold of Tommy’s left hand with his own.

Tommy laces their fingers together, as Jon steps forward determinedly. They sit down at the table between Dan and Lovett, Jon still holding his hand tightly. Tanya gives them a nod and Jon takes a breath.

“Welcome to Pod Save America, I’m Jon Favreau.”

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Maggie and Katy were terrible enablers when I started screaming this at them as chatfic, but also helped make this better and shaped it along the way <3
> 
> I'm always vietreau trash on tumblr @everyonewillsee


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